Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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