I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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