cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
