so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
