Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
