I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
