it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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