she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we're making bets on your personal life
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
