apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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