A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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