Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
