Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
