He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
