I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
