I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
