I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
