We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
