oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
