So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
