I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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