SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
