All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
