butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
