Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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