someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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