All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
