i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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