I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
