I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
