Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
