I will die if light touches me.
Don't make out with my wife yet
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
