why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
