Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
