it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
