Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
