is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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