Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
