Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
