I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
