You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Can i not drive my cunt home
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
