Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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