hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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