i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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