The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
