he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
