i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
