I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
