For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
