the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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