I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
