I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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